I Almost Dropped My Computer on the Floor

But don’t worry! I didn’t.

I was in the middle of realizing that during this day of rather rippling emotions, I had eaten only a plum, a slice of gingerbread loaf with a small latte, two bites of a banana, and around five or six bites of yogurt. (Until dinner, that is).

Let me explain. This was not intentional, but I’ve been feeling fairly stressed out about the fact that I think it’s important to be fair and balanced (seriously, not like Fox) in talking about controversial issues. And I keep engaging with critical arguments about things that I feel really strongly about (one example: abortion and choice), and every time I feel shaken — not necessarily in my perspective, but definitely in some weird essence of me that I might call a soul.

Engaging is important, I think, but I am finding that sometimes engagement takes a serious emotional toll. A few of my friends have pointed out that I throw myself into ideas with a lot of force — to the point that people don’t always want to hang out with me for the free and easy stuff.

I have been asked, on more than one occasion, if I exercise, because people seem to think that exercise is a good release for both high levels of intensity and anxiety. They’re right, and sometimes I’m running along and something fantastic occurs to me, or I write a haiku in my head, but exercising doesn’t always provide answers to deep philosophical questions. And unfortunately, although I really want to believe otherwise, it seems as if the really big questions don’t always have answers.

Still, I’m really glad I didn’t drop my computer. And that I ate dinner. There are good things in my life, even when I’m shaking.

Maybe this is me.