Fresh-New and Old-Stinky Self-Discoveries: A List

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1. I love bulldogs. Like, I love bulldogs so much that I actually follow a bulldog blog. So it’s a thing.

2. Sometimes I balance overconfidence with complete and utter insecurity/self-loathing (“your [wet] feet learn, okay, this is the new situation, we better get real comfortable”). Sidenote: this is unhealthy; do what I say not what I do. Always good to have something to work on.

3. It’s time that I perform a slam poem. One time I tried and it was a mess and now I’m scared, but it’s pretty much time to get over that and try again.

4. I may have mentioned this before, but I like ducks so much that I can’t eat duck. This is particularly odd because I’m generally not all that sentimental and I have, in fact, slaughtered, plucked and gutted chickens by hand and eaten said chickens — albeit at a later date. Ducks are not chickens, however, and the point is that seeing ducks brings me so much immediate joy that the prospect of eating them just makes me as sad as a duck with a crooked neck who sometimes walks in circles. (This morning on my run I saw a duck and five fuzzy ducklings and it was amazing, spectacular, and all the rest of the synonyms for super in the English language. Not exaggerating.)

5. Going to bed is a challenge.

6. Getting up early is actually wonderful, but less so when you can’t also go to bed early.

7. Public Confession: I have a TV addiction. I have a lot of things to say about this, so watch for that to come. But not here, not now. It’s too soon.

8. I run pretty fast. I mean, right now, I’m in pretty terrible shape and so it’s significantly less impressive, but actually, when I’m in good shape, I run pretty fast. I don’t know what the significance of this is. Just that I have rediscovered it.

9. There are other people out there in the world who are psychologically like me. Kiesch-dog, I’m thinking of you. It’s incredible. It’s like talking to a mirror. Mirrors don’t usually talk back. It’s totally incredible. Now, if only I could also find the fairies in the woods that I have long been convinced are there.

10. Gwyneth Paltrow has cookbooks and I intend to buy one of them. I have never been on a diet before, but I am feeling inspired after reading this post.

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