Considerations

To be kinder than expected
To eat when hungry
smile when happy
sleep when tired
To feel comfortable as often as possible
and to laugh at silly mistakes
or big mistakes
– eventually they will be funny

so laugh sooner than later
To remember birthdays
and strange holidays
To kiss strangers and lovers on the cheeks

To do push ups
and row at the gym
To enjoy ducks, trees, the sea, the mountains,

the color blue
or lime

Dad, it’s your birthday

Dear Dad,

1. Thank you for picking me up at 3 in the morning when I got scared on the bridge near the middle school and called you on my cell phone.
   • Also, thank you for taking my friends home and for not yelling at me or even seeming mad.
2. Thank you for canceling that meeting when we were sledding and the inner tube popped and we had to get a replacement. You called from a pay phone in Target and told them that you had to play in the snow.
3. Thank you for taking me to soccer camp even though I did cartwheels and picked dandelions instead of ‘bringing the pain’ on defense.
4. Thank you for watching me play soccer for over a decade before ever mentioning that it’s your least favorite sport – except maybe hockey, right?
   • Oh, and thank you for teaching me how to kick, and for getting excited about dribbling drills, and for learning soccer theory so you could analyze games with me after the fact, for hours on end.
5. Thank you for knowing and sharing with me the glories of board games, card games, and made-up games.
   • Especially thank you for playing pretend with me, for crawling around on your hands and knees and for being a mermaid or a little brother or a tree frog upon request (or command).
   • And ping-pong. Thank you for ping-pong. For the long conversations played while bouncing the ball back and forth. Thank you for playing with me even when I beat you – I’m pretty sure it only happened, like, once.
6. Thank you for just saying no (not like in DARE). I read this blog the other day that reminded me of you – I recommend just glancing over the comics (the text is too much). But I mean that you didn’t tell me to stop asking questions, you just said no when that was the answer, and you always answered.
7. Thank you for telling me you were sorry when I got my period and I was so angry about being a woman. I’m not anymore. But it helped that you understood.
8. Thank you for running with me and for timing me and discussing times with me.
   • And thank you so much for being competitive and letting me be competitive.
9. Thank you for reading all of the Redwall series with me, and Narnia. Thank you for the funny dragon voice you did when the boy put the ring on his finger. I laughed so long that we couldn’t read any more that night. Thank you for liking My Friend Flicka so much. I still don’t really remember it.
   • Thank you for reading Roald Dahl with me, especially the Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More and especially Danny, the Champion of the World.
10. Thank you for being a feminist.
11. Thank you for taking me to that art class where we drew the trees in the snow and for proving to me over and over again that people liked mine as well as yours, even though it seemed so messy to me.
12. Thank you for listening to all my crazy music and letting me tell you the lyrics.
    • Thank you for always saying that my piano-playing sounds good.
13. Thank you for getting excited about writing editorials as a competition over Christmas break, and for being the sort of person who writes editorials and cares about the world.
14. Thank you for being clumsy.
15. Gosh, and thank you for playing football in college. I wish you didn’t have any leftover injuries, but I love telling people that you were a monster with no neck (according to Mom).
    • And along those lines, thank you for having even bigger quads in high school than I did. I guess it makes sense, but I tell people that you couldn’t wear jeans because they wouldn’t fit and then I can smile because my quads used to be so big, too.
16. Thank you for making pancakes all the time, and other yummy breakfasts, and for burning grilled cheese sandwiches so that when I’m away from home for too long I can just order a grilled cheese and ask them to burn it so that I don’t feel so sad. It’s never exactly the same, but it helps.
17. Thank you for letting me come to workshops with you, in Oregon and New York, and for being humble. People love you so much, and I’m glad they understand what I do.
18. Thank you for visiting me everywhere in the world and for planning April Fool’s pranks with mom.
    • Especially, thank you for dressing up as a woman once (as a prank – I recognize other people read my blog and maybe I should be clear about that). It was incredible.
    • Also, thank you for thinking fake poop is funny.
    • And thank you for being Uncle Leroy!
19. Thank you for being cool enough that when you came to do guest lectures in my fifth grade class, I was proud instead of embarrassed.
20. Thank you for being my dad.
21. Thank you for loving pastries and bananas. I love them, too.
22. Thank you for the memory I have of riding my bike to Paxson in 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rdgrade. I can see you ahead of me on WaterWorks hill, speeding down with a backpack and helmet on. You were so proud when I would keep up.
    • Also, thank you for letting me throw up on you that one time.
23. Thank you for letting me be the same as you, and different from you.

I love you, Dad. Happy birthday.

- The Other Lime (Mom was really the first one)

This image is brought to you by Mom and Dad, World Travelers and Dramatic Photographers

Today is my mother’s birthday

THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE FOR LIVING LIFE ON THE LIME:

Attend your parents’ birthday parties if you can. And if you can’t, tell them how much you love them in your own special way. Because parents are the most incredible people.

I already write her a lot of poetry, though, and subject her to various reading torments at the last minute, just before the deadline. Then I say things like, “I promise, I’ll send it earlier next time!”

Then I don’t.

Still, she says she loves me, and she acts like it most of the time.

My mom is the kind of person who is still guilty for “yelling” at me when I put a tablespoon of salt in the pumpkin pie instead of a teaspoon, and then we had to make three times as much pie because there was three times as much salt. Of course, pumpkin pie is my favorite, and she didn’t even punish me by making me eat it salty or not letting me eat it at all. She just said “What?” in an angry and frustrated voice when I assured her that I had added the tablespoon of salt like she’d asked. And honestly, it’s pretty much a joke now, but I know she still worries a little.

Unfortunately, mom, what I’m really mad about is that you never let me do any hard drugs or get pregnant when I was 14. Instead, you convinced me that if I were going to sneak out, I should just tell you about it, because, like, you would want to know where I was. And then, when I did sneak out… well, that’s a birthday post for dad in the making. But I’m really mad about the lack of drugs in my life, mom, because today my creative writing class came to the conclusion that you can’t write from the perspective of a person who’s done LSD unless you’ve done LSD. And I argued with them. I really tried to explain why that argument was silly because lots of people write about things that didn’t actually happen to them or that they have not experienced. But my professor said I was wrong and, well, I blame you for not encouraging me to alter my mind enough times to induce profound creativity and the ability to write as thought I’m cracked out.

Given that you are my mom, though, you probably know that I actually can write like I’m cracked out — because you’ve had to read it, like you’ve had to read everything.

Oh, by the way, there’s another 250-word essay for Yale… so, um, I’m going to send that to you… soon.

Happy Birthday, Momma.

Emily’s 2nd Birthday Gift (AKA The Recipe)

Emily, this is actually your third birthday gift because I bought number 2 today, but you haven’t received it yet and I don’t know exactly how to count anyway.

Banana Blueberry Lemon Poppyseed Muffins

Preheat Oven: 350

Emily, do that first(!)

 

In Bowl #1 (the LARGER bowl):

1 cup Milk

any kind, including Lactose Free, works, although I’d stay away from Soy

1/4 cup Oil

your choice but probably Canola

2 eggs

Splash of Vanilla

1/4 cup Honey

1/4 cup Brown Sugar

1/4 cup White Sugar

1/4 cup Lemon juice

1 or 2 mashed up bananas

Scoop of yogurt or cottage cheese? Sometimes I do that

 

In Bowl #2 (the smaller bowl):

2 cups Flour

any amount of it can be whole wheat, yummy

2 tablespoons Poppyseeds

1 teaspoon Baking Soda

1 teaspoon Baking Powder

1 teaspoon Salt

 

Mix both bowls thoroughly. Then pour Bowl #2 (dry) into Bowl #1 (wet). Mix it up. No chunks.

Add blueberries like a fool. Usually I use about half a bag of the frozen variety. It just seems like the right amount. I also think the littler ones are better.

Grease yo pan.

Will probably make about 12 littles or 6 bigs, but it depends what you add exactly. Don’t be afraid to fill them up, these aren’t big risers.

Cook time: Between 15 and 22 minutes

Emily, set a timer.