Tag Archives: funny

Everything Funny. (Ha. Ha. Ha.)

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Me walking to work with my microwaved egg and applewood smoked cheese in a mug with a fork and an apple.

The mug starts out really hot because I just microwaved it for like 2 minutes so that I have to be careful and sometimes hold it with my hand pulled inside my coat sleeve. It’s good cheese though. And breakfast is really important. Plus this breakfast includes three food groups, which is good because apparently a mixture of food groups is more filling.

Me picking up a bowl of fruit from a stand in the middle of the breakfast dining area at a five star hotel intending to refill the bowl, only to have the entire stand topple over (five large white ceramic bowls) onto the juice pitchers to the right (six plastic juice pitchers).

This made a loud crashing noise which cause the diners to all look around and make a big “oh” gasping sound. Then, the rest of the hotel staff descended around me to pick up the massively destroyed area (really only one bowl broke) and I moved around in shock, having been unaware that the stand could actually fall over. Doesn’t it seem like a bad idea for something that customers use to just topple when it becomes unbalanced? Doesn’t it seem like a bad idea not to tell employees that the stand can topple over? Maybe it seems like common sense. But come on, people, I don’t have common sense. I am studying creative writing. That should indicate something. Also, I bruise myself at least once a week by running into inanimate objects.

Me getting confused and almost forgetting my second-attempt at getting immunizations for a trip to India and therefore calling GT in a panic saying “I need the van urgently.”

Fortunately, GT responded by saying, “Oh, I’m just getting to it now; I can be there in five minutes.” Of course, (disclaimer to my Mom) if he hadn’t said that, I could have made it to the hospital in time to get my shots. It’s just that it would have been less pleasant because I would have had to start running immediately. It would have been funny though… right? This moment was also relatively entertaining because GT came in with me to distract me while I got my shots. He did this by talking first about the weird St. Andrews’ tradition of dumping water on people finishing their final final exam (it’s cold here, do people not get that?) for the first arm, and then by making commentary about the “clinical waste” receptacle in the doctor’s office for the second arm. Mostly though, I can picture the big-eyed look he was giving me in order to be especially attention-worthy for the second one. It was absolutely distracting.

Me watching Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy with Liberty and getting really excited that Zooey Deschanel is in it and then staying up with Liberty really late because we were doing cool pastels and talking shiz.

That was fun. My pastel is weird and cool and maybe I’ll post a photo of it. Like, right now. I can’t post one of the Liberty’s because she took it with her. Maybe later. Also, I think Zooey is actually more attractive now than she was then. How has her hair gotten so sexy? I want that to happen to me.

it’s a bubble tree

Me and the crew doing the Lonely Boy dance to celebrate a massive MCAT score achieved by Liberty.

This actually might be the best image of the week. The ultimate winner. There were four of us and we watched the music video and imitated it with extreme exuberance to demonstrate how excited we were that Liberty is super smart. Because a standardized test said so. We pretty much already knew, but confirmation is always nice.

The seagulls who can’t navigate when it’s super windy.

They’re just funny. Haha.

The funniest thing that happened in Edinburgh

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I need to tell this story because when I told it to my cousin he laughed really hard and it became a slightly-strange inside joke during my weekend visit. And it’s pretty funny, objectively speaking. Because obviously humor is objective.

When my wolf pack visited, I was really happy about it — having established the rule about no ruffies. They arrived in Edinburgh and we started with a pub, got classy for a minute in a jazz bar, and then subtracted all the classiness we’d accrued by moving on to a “club” called the Hive that featured, among other impressive attributes, a lot of 16-year-olds. We paid the cover like it was no big deal and went right in because why wouldn’t we go to a rave with teenagers? And we danced to music that alternates between the utterly recognizable “Mambo No. 5” (because it came out in 1999 — yes, that is when I listened to pop obsessively) and things that are apparently popular now, like maybe “Wild Ones” by Flo Rida featuring Sia. (Un)fortunately I’m really not up on the pop scene anymore. Although I’m feeling Sia, so maybe I’m still cool.

Ok, but that was a digression. We dance. It’s fun. We go up to a stage to stash our coats on it because, well, coat checking — who does that? And then something crazy happens. We’re walking back to a central location in a little train (as required when traversing crowds in a group) and some child pinches my ass.

Maybe you don’t think this is crazy.

But I’m extremely sheltered and found it traumatizing. Or maybe that’s not exactly the word. I was upset. I may have been angry. Do peeps know I’m a little bit into feminism? Well, I felt I should let this person know that pinching my ass was unacceptable, but it took me a about three seconds to get to that conclusion because I really was a little shocked.

As the anger materialized, I considered options, and turned, but found myself pulled along through the crowd so that I could hardly reach the kid, let alone grab his t-shirt and say something really smart in his face like they do in the movies. Let’s be honest, I have no idea what I would have said. I mean — I can fume, but I don’t know how to fight or anything and my defenses might be vaguely laughable in situations like these.

But I had to take action! So I reached back through the crowd and flicked the dude in the side of the face. Flicking is good, right? Solid decision?

I wasn’t sure I’d made good contact, though, so I tried to push through and really get him, but this is the moment when one of the wolf pack saw me looking pissed and reaching through the crowd kind of like a crazy person.

So he also took action, thinking, I’m sure, that I was about to pick a fight with teenagers, that I might be actually about to hit a teenager, and that he should stop me. Which is reasonable, but I was really mad because what I had done was absurdly funny and also because I tend to assume that everyone should know what I’m thinking and intending at all times — especially my friends — such that I was upset he didn’t read my mind and know that I was only flicking. We had to fight about it a little bit, but I can understand why friends should not let friends beat up pathetic ass-pinchers.

However, flicking is and should continue to be allowed. It’s like the international symbol for “you’re annoying.”