(Rules for) Living Life on the Lime (3)

Standard

A)    Never eat steak that smells bad. Steak should smell good.

B)    When riding a horse uphill, lean forward, but remain relaxed. When riding a horse downhill, sit back and keep your feet in the stirrups, but remain relaxed. When riding a horse, remain relaxed.

C)    Do not listen to Christian radio talk shows.

  1. Failure to heed this warning may result in shouting, depression and extreme sleepiness, or in mean phone calls to your best friends who have nothing to do with the ranting of a no-name being broadcast in central Montana (sorry, Robbie).
  2. If you do listen to a Christian radio show, of any sort, for too long, try to think of a song from your childhood and sing it as loudly as you can. Options may include, but are not limited to: “I Will Survive” by Aretha Franklin, “Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog” (AKA “Joy to the World”) by Three Dog Night, or your favorite church camp/ campfire/ or other song associated with spiritual activity (you really will feel better, I promise).

D)    Always consider the possibility that someone will witness you singing in the car.

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4 responses »

  1. I already knew how to ride a horse. So there.

    Also, where’s the part where you get to say “ride on, bullseye!” like in toy story 2? that’s also important.

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