An Attempt at Starvation


Today I learned how to drive a British vehicle — with the driver’s seat on the right side, and the whole car on the wrong side. A very cheery man was my teacher, and we chatted and I only frightened him deeply once, when I nearly scraped the left side of the car off while going under an underpass. On the other hand, I frightened myself deeply on a number of occasions, mostly when I noticed oncoming vehicles and perceived them to be in my lane, which was actually almost every time a car appeared. I just hoped the cheery man didn’t notice when I flinched, or that he assumed I had some sort of arrhythmia of the body issue.

The real point of this story, however, is that my lesson was scheduled during my catered lunch, and so I ate a peach beforehand, thinking this would tide me over through it, and that I could eat more afterwards. Fortunately, I was right about that and did not suffer a starvation coma in the last half hour of the two-hour lesson.

(It would have been totally awkward because I was driving and comatose drivers are illegal).

At one point, the cheery man gave a stirring rendition of a time when he played spoons with his family, which was awesome. And then we talked about cribbage and pinochle, too.

In any case, I arrived back in St. Andrews without mishap and meandered home, seeing that I had about 45 minutes until my cross country practice. Let’s be honest, I’m the kind of person who will throw up food ingested directly before running, and I didn’t want to throw up or anything.

So I ate an apple and a banana and some crackers. Like two crackers. I forgot that I own yogurt.

Then I went on my run, which turned out to be around an hour long (not really what I had been imagining). And at about the halfway point, my stomach began to growl audibly. Fortunately, I was running with my awesome academic sister Becca and she didn’t seem to mind, although it may have been because she had eaten far too much directly beforehand and was therefore having her own set of opposite problems.

When I finally managed to arrive back in my room, I stumbled inside and up the stairs, my stomach convulsing madly. Then, because I was somewhat light-headed, I crashed into my own door before opening it and finding a stick of cheese to devour.

Then I had two bags of cheese and onion ‘crisps’ and sat on my floor, shivering.

Like, maybe not my most successful meal experience.


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