(Rules for) Living Life on the Lime (83)

Standard

A) Be inconsistent.

  1. Flip flop.

B) When jumping into freezing cold water, take 17 deep breaths, run and then jump.

C) Do not skip class unless you have the best reason in the world.

  1. For example, if you really need to write a poem or take a nap.
  2. Throwing up or extreme dizziness are not acceptable excuses.
  3. Also, it is a bad idea to text your professor and let them know that you are not coming to class because you have made plans to get laid. This is especially inappropriate if you have promised them you are never going to miss class. It’s probably better if it’s an accidental text, but it’s still not good.

D) Porridge, oatmeal, and grits are the spice of life. Eat them.

E) Only make friends with sarcastic people.

  1. They will probably make you laugh sometimes.
  2. You will never be entirely sure if they like you or not.

i) Then you will try harder at this whole being-a-good-and-funny-person thing.

ii) But you still won’t be sure if they think anything is good or funny. Except for when they laugh.

iii) Just remember, it might be an ironic laugh.

F) What does “throwing in the towel” actually mean? Like, is it supposed to be after you’ve showered and you’re walking around in a towel and then something happens and you just give up and throw the towel away, suddenly revealing that you’re naked? I don’t get it.

  1. (That wasn’t a rule; it was question).

This Living-Life-on-the-Lime message is brought to you by Bus Number 71, passing all the flower shops just when you least expect it.

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