Just Visiting (100)

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This inspirational prompt comes from Madison Woods' inspirational blog.

It only takes a beginning, really.

The woman appeared in the morning, light glinting off her spectacles. Her hair shined. She was seen leaving old Mulligan’s house when it was still early.

Later, people noticed her in the grocery store and walking through the park. That night, she kissed a boy from the bar under the second bridge over Carkenny River. Some claimed she was taking photographs at dawn the next morning, in the empty lot. They said she was concentrated, snapping away, but that she would stop sometimes and look up at nothing.

When she left, everything had changed.

For more flashes prompted by this photo, and to learn more about flash fiction, visit Madison Woods and explore.

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36 responses »

  1. I like this story, which is a snapshot of people’s recollections of a mysterious woman. I like how you capture the innocent and make it look guilty and I love the light glinting off her spectacles.
    My only problem is with “She was concentrated” – it sounds like she is a fruit juice. I think you meant to say “she concentrated” or she was deeply focused, or whatever….
    Otherwise, a charming and mysterious little tale.

  2. Very mysterious little snapshot of a story I want to know more of. “Leaving old Mulligan’s house when it was still early,” “Kissing a boy from the bar,” “looking up at nothing” . . .it all made me think “hmmm” and “why.” Good one!

  3. Perfect set-up with the first line, it articulates something that I cannot quite put my finger on right now. And loved this “That night, she kissed a boy from the bar under the second bridge over Carkenny River.”

    Really nice piece of writing.

  4. Hey Lime! This si stunning writing. You have crafted it perfectly, from the bookends of the first and last line, to the details of the boy she kissed. You give us mystery too. Beautiful!

    • I have a friend who offered to collaborate — inspired by this post. Not sure what would happen with that, but I know I could use some help if I were trying to write a novel. Thanks for the comment — getting to yours very soon, if very late.

    • But I would agree there is a degree of randomness. It felt like an opening to me, and sometimes openings need that random quality to cover bases without boring readers -? I hope 🙂

  5. A wonderful short story.
    Very mysterious. I loved how that short, sharp first line sowed the first seeds of mystery and the last line left me wanting more.
    A great read.

  6. Dear Lime One,

    I started late today, both in writing and reading but I’m getting up to speed now and glad that your story was first on the list. I love the mystery that Just Visiting is freighted with. We follow along after she arrives, questions accumulating throughout your concise narrative, our curiousity never satisfied, and then wonder all the more after she departs, what she left in her wake. Lovely.
    Aloha, Doug

    I’m seeding all my coments with a link to my belated submission. Hope you’ll stop in. Thanks.
    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/a-womans-vows/

    • Doug! I’m on my way (soon) to yours. Thanks for the read and the writing — as I’m sure I’ll enjoy it — and I’m so glad you felt moved to comment. It is often that we come to a place with the intention of “just visiting” and yet leave quite an imprint in our wake (mixed metaphor, but surely you understand what I mean).

  7. Part of me thinks that the photo prompt is one of her snapshots, and yet another feels as if it is something she left behind…the thing the changed the town. I truly love this. Thank you for sharing with us.

    • Hmmm, I like that thought. It’s not what I was thinking, but plausible. I’m also not sure that it ended up being so much about the prompt — although the prompt definitely inspired me somehow.

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