Scene: The Lime (Tries to) Order a Coconut Latte at City Brew


*City Brew is awesome because they have every flavor (most importantly, coconut and almond, not in that order).

(I have already ingested a grande almond latte when I approach to counter, and I have been sitting in City Brew for approximately 2.5 hours)

Nice girl behind counter: Hi! What can I get you?

Me: Hi!

(Awkward pause).

Me: Uhhh… I don’t really know.

Nice girl: Oh that’s ok. Take your time.

Me: Uhh. Uhh. Oh, uhh. Hmmm.

(Awkward pause).

Me: What kind of chai do you have?

Nice girl (perky voice): It’s a syrup!

Me: Oh. Do you know, um, is it Oregon Chai?

Nice girl: No, it’s our own chai, I think.

Me: Right. Would you say it’s sweeter or spicier?

Nice girl: Probably sweeter. Yeah, probably sweeter.

Me: Hmmm, yeah. Ok. Uhh.

(I look up at the menu as if it will suddenly say something different than before).

Me: I’m so sorry I don’t have a brain.

Nice girl: Oh that’s ok! We’ve been really busy. I feel like that too!

(Super perky)

Me: Yeah. Ok. Um. Do you have coconut syrup?

Nice girl: Yes!

Me: Oh good, perfect. Can I have a tall coconut latte?

Nice girl: Would you like that iced or hot?

Me: Oh god, that’s what I’ve been having trouble with. Ohh. But I don’t like iced lattes.

(This might seem like the time when my choice should have been obvious, but no way no how).

Me: Uhhh. Uhh. Hot! I’ll have it hot and a cold water.

(Because they often serve plain water warm in coffee shops, you know).

Nice girl: Ok great. So a hot coconut latte and an ice water.

Me: Yes! Oh. Can it be in the, uh, the mug thing?

(What is the mug thing? What has happened to me?).

Me: I’m so sorry, I’ve just been emailing for too long. It was really busy in here earlier. You must have been busy.

(Holy crap, I’m completely psychotic).

Super nice girl: Yeah, it was totally crazy. I couldn’t even get the pastry case refilled. And drive thru was nuts too.

Me: Yeah. Wow. Cool. Thank you.

(Yay one-word sentences, long pauses between words — I am so articulate).

(I sit down).

(Super nice girl brings over my latte and water and then realizes there isn’t a straw, which she says she’ll just grab for me and I try to say no and it’s awkward but it’s too awkward even to write in dialogue, so I’m just telling you about it here in the parenthesis and wondering who has even gotten this far — why would anyone want to relive this conversation? Why? I don’t know. But now I have and now you can, too, if you just start from the beginning and read again. Up you go!).



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