Tag Archives: lists

(Rules for) Living Life on the Lime (565)

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A. Sing along.

B. Complete tasks you planned to complete.

  1. Don’t freak out if it’s not on exactly the right timeline — flexibility is good.
  2. But quit procrastinating.

C. Sometimes it is hard to understand what people are saying, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be interesting if you figure it out.

  1. For example: “Make Me Proud” by Drake featuring Nicki Minaj is good, but what is Nicki Minaj actually saying? I think there are words missing.

D. Be optimistic.

E. Sleeping enough helps you maintain a normal weight. So do that.

F. Include characters you are uncomfortable writing when you write.

  1. You might make a new friend.
  2. Or learn something new about yourself.
  3. Or you might discover that people are not so different from one another, no matter what identities have been pinned to them (e.g. black, feminist, gay, conservative, stay-at-home mom).

G. Drink enough beer.

  1. But not too much beer.

H. Go swinging.

I. Take pictures.

  1. Of the garden.
  2. And other stuff, too.
in the morning

in the morning 

14 hours of sleep later

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I am in a complete panic about getting a job. So that’s fun.

And another thing, it’s time for me to go running and my phone says it’s 93 degrees outside. WHAT?

Other than that, things are hunky dory. I need to go to the grocery store for five days worth of food, call T, and fall asleep at a reasonable hour. Yet the list of other things I need to do — substantial things — is freaking me out.

Life is frightening when you think too hard about it, but then you list the facts and things are actually ok.

Fact: My sister sent me a Starbucks card because she is awesome and she loves me.

Fact: I have options.

Fact: My parents love me enough to want me around most of the time.

Fact: Sometimes I laugh so hard that I cry.

Fact: It is possible for me to drive around Montana.

Fact: My mom left me a Blue Moon in the fridge. That was so nice.

Fact: I bought new underwear and it is fun.

Fact: Someone will probably hire me to do something in the next two months.

Fact: In fact, someone hired me to do something last week!

Fact: Sometimes I write reasonably decent poetry.

Fact: I have nearly written three whole short stories for my dissertation. Although they need editing.

Fact: Time.

Fact: My cousin is getting married! Yay!

Fact: I literally have the cutest niece and nephew in the entire world.

Fact: The graduates invited me to chaperone their senior sneakout. Translation? I’m cool!

Fact: Yep, I’m officially feeling better.

Time for that run.

The best niece and nephew

(Rules for) Living Life on the Lime (182) FLUMC Edition

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A) Try synchronized swimming.

  1. Especially in a lake.
  2. But take your time jumping in. It’s nerve-racking.

B) Hot dogs are awesome. Tomato soup is less awesome.

C) Keep camp feet under control.

  1. Recommended: bathe and apply lotion.
  2. (Definition of camp feet: grimy everywhere).

D) Run in the morning to revitalize your spirit.

E) No drugs or sex in the bushes at church camp.

F) Sleep will save you.

  1. And hugs.

G) Sing.

H) Wear bug spray.

Camp, photo credit Janna

(Rules for) Living Life on the Lime (#444)

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A) Never do work in a sauna.

  1. Or too near your mother who is making phone calls.

B) Make whole wheat banana pumpkin muffins.

  1. YUM
  2. If you have honey, I bet that would be double good, but we didn’t, so I used brown sugar.

C) Email one liners. They’re funny.

D) Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen smells the best.

E) Go running with a family member.

  1. It will be good for both of you (physically, mentally, etc.).
  2. Probably she/he will say something that will surprise you.
  3. It might even make for a good story later. Like if he/she sees a stick and thinks it’s a snake and leaps into the air.

Oh a joyful world.

Family Reunion: beaches, something dangerous with frisbees and beer bottles, and Apples to Apples

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Let it be known that I have attended what I believe to be my first ever family reunion. It was exciting. Not crazy southern style with hundreds of people (thank goodness — I get overwhelmed in a room with six people…sometimes…), but family who I actually know, all of whom managed to meet up in the same place at the same time and hang out and play funny games and eat birthday cake.

My aunt put together this incredible family tree with something like nine generations on it — it was massive and mind-boggling (and I have a feeling it was a lot of work). I, of course, smart child that I am, joined my cousins looking at the tree and immediately looked at a picture of my uncle and said — “wow! that guy really looks like your dad!” to one of them. Then I paused, while they laughed, and I realized aloud, “Oh, that is your dad.” Duh.

So there were thirty of us, and we spent two and a little days together. I will list highlights for the purpose of expediting the writing process and to avoid subjecting you to endless ordinary sentences.

1. For reunion attendees, this is obvious: the family fun run! J and C were expected to make an appearance, given their newfound expertise in the half marathon arena, as was another cousin that I would call Six-Pack, but can’t because it’s actually my card-playing alter-ego. Maybe Six-Pack#2. But apparently they were out doing more exciting things. (As if that were possible). The POINT is that three super second cousins (or however that calculation works — three cousins) joined my Dad, my brother-in-law and me on what may have been a 3-mile run along the beach. This was awesome because the Oregon coast is slightly cold and it warmed me up enough that these three cousins were then able to convince the rest of us to get into the icy water and wave jump. Which was basically the most exciting thing I’ve ever done.

1. A. Pegs also ventured ankle-deep into the deep freeze to capture and appropriately ironic beach profile picture for me. My hero.

1. B. That was really long, but seriously… go wave jumping in July off the Oregon coast. You will be frozen, but not at all disappointed.

2. Rowdy rounds of Apples to Apples. Mark has some questions about my qualifications as a judge, but I will just take this opportunity to remind him that his daughter and I seemed fairly clear on the logic of judging — sometimes the most interesting card is the winner, regardless of an obvious relationship between the red and the green cards. And our agreement must make it reasonable.

3. Picking the brain of a person who holds the precise combination of degrees (JD/PhD) that I think I would like to hold. This may not be exciting for blog-readers, but it was oh-so-exciting for me. Some day I will have a profession!

4. Playing some drinking game with my cousins, including our 12-year-old cousin who was required to hold a soda can because part of the difficulty was apparently throwing the frisbee one-handed. The game, which we cunningly set up in the parking lot amongst the negligently parked cars, involved throwing a frisbee at five empty beer bottles in an attempt to knock one over. I succeeded exactly once at this. On my second try. And it may sound straightforward. But there are more rules. Like, if the frisbee touches the ground before reaching the bottles, your opponents can stomp on it and throw from the point at which they stopped it. Also, if you knock over one of your own bottles, it is knocked down and you have to take a drink — or bite of ice cream (when my Dad was playing — he likes ice cream more than beer or soda). Me and Six-Pack#2 struggled particularly at this game and occasionally hit the negligently parked cars. Which, I will just say, was funny. And if we didn’t get a lot of bottles knocked over, we did bring joy into the lives of our teammates and opponents.

4. A. I am really failing to write short highlights.

5. The twins. They’re always a highlight, I know, but they were especially funny at the reunion. DD and I did some finger painting which devolved into body paint relatively quickly, but only to the dismay of my sister — I’m the fun aunt, what can I say?? And MarMar and I discovered the thrill of the iPad train and the iPad glitter paint. Fortunately this was a less messy game. And not to leave out important tidbits: the twins turned two! With a purple cake and a blue cake. Yum yum 🙂

6. Talking to Momma L about being a working momma and an assertive woman and just generally chatting about everything from that soft porn book (what’s it called? Fifty pages of gray or something? I think that’s not quite it…) to whatever else occurred to us.

7. I managed to make scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese (for the breakfast prepared by my Dad and me) with an ice scraper. It was in the utensils drawer. And it worked really well. Then I read the inscription on the side that said “Use to Remove Ice” and I felt vaguely embarrassed.

8. My grandfather beat me at gin. Like 124 in the first hand to 0. And then I won a hand and got 4 points. This is a future highlight because I will someday improve enough to compete with his expertise and then he will be impressed. At present it’s a highlight because my grandfather really likes to win. So he laughed really hard at first. Then I think he got worried that maybe something is wrong with me. But I got a little better toward the end and he seemed less worried.

9. My brother-in-law could only come for a day, but he flew across the whole country to do it. He’s a good dad and a good husband. So that is a good last highlight.

You should all be very jealous because my family is awesome. As a side note, I would like to mention that I think I smell like patchouli and I don’t like patchouli and I don’t know how this happened.

The Twins Help YaYa Pack for the Reunion


Which is just the occasion for dancing on the bed…


And playing the guitar.

(Rules for) Living Life on the Lime (425)

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A. Be a radical optimist.

  1. Smile more because it makes you happier.
  2. Sleep more because it also makes you happier.
  3. Remember what it’s like to be around grumpy people.
  • (not super fun).

B. When traveling by train at night in India, use the Western style toilet.

C. Consider the usefulness of hanging upside down.

D. Appreciate your ankles and air that is clean and sweet porridge and brightly colored clothing.

  1. Expressing appreciation will make you happier.

E. Eat turmeric.

  1. Apparently it reduces the risk of degenerative brain diseases.
  2. Try turmeric on sweet potatoes with paprika or in split pea soup. Yum yum.

F. When you see locals dashing into a cafe run by a monastery, follow them!

  1. Maybe you will find ginger tea and authentic Indian tea and fried rice and sweet porridge.
  2. Maybe you will sit in the balcony and see goats on the roof not quite next door, but nearby.
  3. And maybe you will discover secret stairs and foot paths that wind between the apartment buildings and shanties and then you will feel in-the-know.

(Rules for) Living Life on the Lime (546)

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A. When going for a walk on the beach, consider wearing protective eyewear.

B. Try to travel so much that you forget what your bed feels like — maybe so much that you don’t really have a “my bed.”

  1. Some day staying home will feel so good.

C. Learn at least one weird bird call.

D. Write thank you notes.

E. When confronted with an opportunity to do something strange/interesting/unusual in public, do it.

  1. This might involve hopping through a hole in a fence (see previous post) or it might involve singing spontaneously.
  2. Getting food on your face awkwardly counts. It’s funny.
  3. Weird clothes are also a go.

The Falkirk Wheel, aka Something Super Weird the Scots Did in Public